Admit it, you love toilet humor, especially those age old fart jokes we used to
giggle at when we were kids ;-) Well, here for your sick mind is a selection of
classic shitty fart jokes. Yes, they're crap, but hey, what the heck did you expect???
GET THE FART
MACHINE and other toilet gags like Prank Toilet Paper (Asses of Evil, Osama)
and more crazy pranks. Hysterical stuff!
Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.
2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting
ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb.
American bloke says: "What you doin?"
"Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was
just recording a message."
The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny
sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him.
'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."
What would you call the definition of surprise?
Answer: A fart with a lump in it.
You know, one time I farted so badly that I had to spend 15 years in jail....for
air pollution.
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that
would make your dog puke.
The wife, understandably is angry as f**k, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna
fart your guts out."
THe next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep.
THe wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of
the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went
back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner
table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart
Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
Why do farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them also!
A bloke is taking a piss down a lane when a Copper spots him.
"Oi Guvnor, you cant do that here!!! It'll cost you a 45 quid fine."
The bloke gives him a 50 quid note and the Cop says: "But I haven't any change"
"No worries, you can keep it," says the bloke..."cos I dropped a couple of farts
as well...."
How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? If she farts, her ankles swell.
What is Green and Smelly? - The Hulk's farts...
Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune player?
He wanted to buy a bowel.
WHEN YOU SHOULD NEVER FART:
1. Inside a crowded Lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whilst on a date.
7. In a packed lecture theatre.
8. In your office.
9. At a cinema.
10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
11. In a ticket line.
13. On an airplane.
14. During confession
15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation
WHEN TO FART:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave. - best to make sure it's silent but
violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.
If you're an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when you
come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Eur - o - pean.
Two guys are in a locker room when one notices the other has a cork up his ass.
He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and tripped over a lamp. There
was a puff of smoke, and then a Big Fella in a turban came oozing out. He said,
"I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant you one wish."
And I said, "No shit."
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the
man lets rip a fart.
Wifey rolls over and growls, "What in God's name was that?"
Man says, "TOUCHDOUWN, I'm ahead, 7 to nothing!!!"
A few minutes later the wife lets rip a Scorcher.
Husband says, "Crikey, what was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard
he craps in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Get some Crazy
Pranks and Gags - includes toilet gags, the Fart Machine, and other hilarious
fun gags.
