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This celtic joke collection was compiled by HumorSphere.
Quick Facts
- Nickname: The Tic. Supporters are Tims.
- Manager: Martin O'Neill.
- Ground: Celtic Park or Parkhead or Paradise or Septik
- Key Players: Henrik Larrson (Ghod), Chris Sutton, Bobo Balde ( BoboCop
), Stan Petrov
- Interesting: First British side to win European Cup ( Lisbon Lions
). First to do 9 in a row. Ex players include Kenny Dalglish, Maurice Johnstone.
Board once known for biscuit tin mentality.
Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit
him?
A: You don't want to damage your bike, do you?
Q: Do you know what Celtic really stands for?
A: A: Celtic Even Lost To Inverness Caley
It's with great sadness that I report Celtic Park was broken into last night.
The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Strathclyde police are believed
to be looking for a man with a green carpet.
Q: What would you call 2 Sellik fans going over a cliff in a green Renualt
Espace?
A: A complete waste of space. You could have squeezed 8 of them into one of those.
An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstyle operator at Celtic Park
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Sir, will that be Defenders or Strikers?
Parkhead directors called an urgent meeting last night. It's alleged they are
considering the replacement of John Barnes with Steven Hendry. When asked why,
they replied: "we don't just need the points now, we need snookers!"
Harald Brattbakk's wife wanted him locked up - she had had enough of the eejit.
So she went to the police and told them: "Please Help, my husband has been hitting
me."
The Police gave sound advice: "Ma'm, don't worry. Just carry a goalpost in each
hand - I guarantee he'll never hit you."
There's a rumour that after the NTL sponsorship expires, Celtic have lined
up a new sponsor - Tampax.
The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a
very bad period.
Q: What's the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: A: The bucket...
I'm glad to report that a new green and white Oxo Cube will be introduced early
next year. It will be called "Laughing Stock".
Q: What do you call a Tim in Europe after Xmas?
A: A tourist...
How do you get a one armed Irish Celtic fan down from a tree? ... wave at him...
Q: Why did the Tic fan cross the road?
A: Cos Sutton was on shooting practice.
Q: How do you keep a Sellik fan busy?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
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