Q: What's the difference between West Hams goalkeeper and a taxi driver?
A: The taxi driver will only let four in!
Q. What's the difference between West ham and a teabag?
A. A teabag stays in the cup longer.
Q: Whats the worst thing about Upton park?
A. The seat's face the pitch.
Q: What happens when the opposition cross the halfway line at Upton park?
A: They score
Q: How do you make a Hammers fan run?
A: Build a job centre.
Q: Why do hammers fans plant potatoes round the edge of Upton park
A: So they have SOMETHING to lift at the end of the season
Alan Curbishley doesn't stand for nonsense.
Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
Absolutely filled with rage he grabbed them by the collars and said,
"Get back in there and watch the game till it finishes!"
A West Hammer fan sauntered past a corner shop and spots a video for sale entitled "West Ham - The Golden Years"
Enthused, the supporter asks the shopkeeper "How much for the video mate ?"
"£200 mate" replies the shopkeeper.
"£200 for a video?" says the fan, "Yer having a laugh!"
"Oh no" the shopkeeper replies "The video's only a fiver, but the Betamax player will cost you £195"
Carlos Tevez is ill, so Alan Curbishley offers to go shopping for him.
While in the local supermarket, he bumps into Ron Atkinson.
"Hey Alan, what in god's name are you doing here?"
"I'm getting a bag of potatoes for Carlos Tevez"
"Sounds like a fair swap to me!"
