Age of a Redneck
Bubba's teacher asked him the difference between his age and his Brother's age.
"Well, mamma told me last year that mah brother is 1 year older than me..." he answered.
"So, accordin to mah calculation, this year we must both be the same age!"
The Art of Texan Poetry
Finals of National poetry had arrived. 2 contestants were left, one from Harvard University, one a redneck from Dimville, Texas.
RUles stated that each was to compose a 4-line poem in one minute or less - the catch? The poem had to use the word "Timbuktu"
Harvard Man went first. 30 seconds after the clock started he got up and recited his poem.
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination -- Timbuktu.
The audience went Crazy. How, they wondered could the redneck could top that?
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought.
Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went...
Met three whores in a pop-up tent...
They was three, we was two...
So I bucked one and Timbuktu...
Quiz Show
Three rednecks appeared on a Quiz show - Jim-bob, Bubba and Hank.
Somehow they made it to the final question worth $50,000.
The TV host said to Jim-Bob, "I will sing a song, leave 1 word out. You must say the word and spell it
...Here it is - Old McDonald had a ....?
Jim-bob answers, "Cow, I spell it - C-O-W."
The host says, "You spelled cow right, but that ain't the right word."
"Ok Bubba, now your turn", says the Quiz master, "Old MacDonald had a ...?"
Bubba answers, "Pig and I spell it P-I-G."
The host grimaces, "Well, again like Jim-bob, you spelled it right, but it wasn't the answer I'm looking for."
"Well Hank, for the 50,000 dollar question, Old McDonald had a ?"
Hank yells out "Farm!"
The TV host gets excited and says, "Excellent Hank, now please spell it."
Hank answers - "E-I-E-I-O"
Identification
Aldo went to the Louisiana bank to cash a check. With no account though,
the teller asked if he could identify himself.
"No worries like," said Aldo. "There a mirror round here?"
"Look behind you...there's one on that wall," said the clerk.
Aldo took one glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief.
"Yep!" he said. "That's me all right!"
The Right Way
Q: Who has the right of way any time?
A: The car with gun rack and bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."
The World's Funniest Joke - Redneck style
A couple of rednecks are hunting out in the woods when one of
them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He don't seem
to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck whips out his mobile phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator...
"Christ almight, Bubba's dead! What the heck can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Sir, just take it easy. I can help you ... First, lets make sure he's dead."
The 911 operator hears a few moments of silence, then suddenly hears a shot.
Jim-Bob's voice comes back on the line. "OK, he's dead all right. Now what?"
Redneck Football
You know you're Redneck if you're playing footie and you say
"I hit my two best balls today ... with a rake."
A Hunting We Will GO
At the hospital, Jinky the redneck was explaining to a Copper why his cousin shot him.
"Well," Jinky began, "we was havin a good time drinkin' and all, when my cousin Hank picked
up his shotgun and said, "Hey, do you fellas wanna go hunting?"
"Then what happened?", asked the officer.
"From what I remember ," Jinky said, "I stood up and hollered , 'Sure, I'm game!"
Sneaky Copper
Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a local trooper.
He saunters up, taps on the window with nightstick, and the driver rolls it down. Suddenly,
the copper wacks the driver on the head...
The driver squeals, "In the name of God, why'd you do that???"
The trooper says, "Well, you're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
The Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
Trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and sure enough he's clean.
He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side
and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper cracks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "For crimminies sake, what was that for???"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger asks, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that 2 miles down the road you're gonna say: 'I wish that
jerk would've tried that stuff with me!'"
These great redneck jokes were submitted in 2002-2003.
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