Fake Funny Quotations

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Page 2. Note: These quotes are fake. Humorsphere made them up. You want real celeb quotes, then visit celebquotes.com

17. Folk will sue you for anything these days. I just got served papers from my Mother - seems she's suing me on the grounds I cried too much as a baby!.
-- Justin Timberlake

18. [on being asked about his jobs prior to his acting breakthrough]
Well, back in the late 80's I managed to get a job as a bartender...at the Betty Ford clinic.
-- George Clooney

19. Look, that's not what I said...I'm not saying Victoria's thin, but the other day the maid changed the bed sheets and didn't notice she was still in bed.
-- David Beckham

20. Yes, my films do tend to move audiences...most folk seem to leave after the first 10 minutes...
-- Sylvester Stallone

21. The Goonies 2 deal fell through, but I've scored some new work in Hollywood...I'm now a video store clerk at blockbusters.
-- Corey Feldman

22. Ya know, on our wedding night I told Pamela (his wife) that whenever she was angry she looked gorgeous...well, she's been angry ever since!
-- Billy Connolly

23. I've been playing idiots in films all my life...why change the habit of a lifetime?
-- Jim Carrey

24. After all these years I couldn't give a flying monkeys what the critics write about my films - for K-19 the studio gave me 25 million reasons not too.
-- Harrison Ford

25. I'm telling you man...Fat Chicks dig sex. And, since they have pretty low standards, the fatter they are the more chance they'll fancy me!
-- Jack Black

27. Contrary to tabloid reports, Penelope and I, we actually broke up due to her PMS. And you know why they call it that? because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
-- Tom Cruise

28. [overheard at a Celebrity VIP Party]
Eeeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo, which of these gorgeous boys do you think I should blow?
-- Paris Hilton

29. No, seriously, I'm a good cook...Jennifer said to me the other day that my steak pies could turn a buddhist!
-- Brad Pitt

30. I hate looking at myself in the mirror...I've got so many crow's feet that I reckon I should be starting my own bird sanctuary.
-- Robert Redford

31. OK, I admit it...the only original parts I've got are my kneecaps...
-- Michael Jackson

32. Like many ladies of my age...I am 26 years old.
-- Calista Flockhart.

33. Last Mothers Day I sent my Mum a lovely bouque of flowers. I included a little hand written note. It said: 'C.O.D'.
-- Orlando Bloom

34. Did you see Sky Captain...personally I thought it was missing a certain something...burial perhaps?
-- Katie Holmes

35. Television is truly amazing. When I made my tv debut the following day 3 million sets had been sold. And the people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.
-- Kiefer Sutherland

36. I admit that I am a fan of George Bush...I worship the quicksand he walks on.
-- Sean Penn

37. I'm got so much Sex Appeal that if I walk into a room full of men, one glance at any man can give him an instant erection.
-- Lucy Liu

38. [In early 2004 before her Lyp Synching nightmare on SNL]
I'm totally against it and offended by it. I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me.
-- Ashlee Simpson

39. [a pickup line she used in 1994]
Baby, I'm the Titanic. You can rip into my hull and flood my lower chambers anytime!
-- Kate Winslet

PS: One of the above quotes is actually real...I'll let you figure you which one ;)

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Copyright Notice.
All quotes are fake (except one) and were written by Humorsphere September 2004. Accept no fake Funny Quotations substitutes!!!


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