Woody
Allen
bio - Woody was born in Brooklyn, NY in 1935. Starting out his path to success,
he began doing stand-up at New York comedy clubs whilst writing gags. Soon after
he began a long and successful career as writer, actor and director, publishing
many hilarious books through the years. His films always manage to contain many
funny quotable lines and with 20 Oscar nominations and 3 oscar gongs, he's still
going strong as witnessed by his rare appearance at the 2002 Oscars.
This
page represents my personal collection of favorite Woody Allen quotes.
Woody
Allen movies include - Sleeper, Annie Hall, Manhattan. Buy
the 8-pack DVD of Woody Allen films - 'The Woody Collection'.
Book
Highlights - Getting
Even, Without
Feathers and Side
Effects.
Woody Allen Movies Quotes
Play it again,
Sam Quotes (1972)
I'll get
broads up here like you wouldn't believe: swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs, dental
hygienists.
I love the
rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
True, you're
not too tall and kind of ugly, but what the hell? I'm short enough and ugly enough
to succeed on my own
Allan: What
are you doing Saturday night?
Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
---
Is sex dirty?
Only if it's done right.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1972).
Sleeper Quotes
(1973)
Dr. Melik:
Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
(Woody) Miles Monroe: Yeah, sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat
grapes.
Now is the
time to strike. The leader is suffering from a terrific handicap: he has no head
or body!
I can't
believe this. My doctor said that I'd be up and on my feet in five days. He was
off by a-hundred-and-ninety-nine years.
Woody Allen
Buy This Photo At AllPosters.com
Luna Schlosser:
What do you believe in?
Miles Monroe: Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But, at
least after death you're not nauseous.
My brain?!
That's my second favorite organ!
I'm not
the heroic type. Really, I was beaten up by Quakers.
I'm a teleological,
existential agnostic.
Luna Schlosser:
It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.
Miles Monroe: 204, if you count my marriage.
---
Death should
not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses.
Love and Death (1975)
Annie Hall Quotes
(1977)
Woody Allen Diane Keaton
Buy This Photo At AllPosters.com
[Whilst
In California.]
Annie: It's so clean out here!
Alvy (Woody): That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it
into television shows.
Those who
can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym. And of course, those who
couldn’t do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
[on sex]
It was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
In the event
of war, I'm a hostage.
I mean,
who would want to live in a place [Los Angeles] where the only cultural advantage
is that you can turn right on a red light
Sun is bad
for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Annie Hall
Buy This Poster At AllPosters.com
The food
in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially
how I feel about life.
Hey, don't
knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
A relationship,
I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Manhattan Quotes
(1979)
Manhattan
Buy This Poster At AllPosters.com
I got a
divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman
I think
people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics
Has anybody
read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Y'know, I read this in the newspaper.
We should go down there, get some guys together, y'know, get some bricks and baseball
bats and really explain things to them.
I had a
mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.
Stardust Memories
Quotes (1980)
You can't
control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only art you can control. Art and
masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
To you,
I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition.
I took one
course in existential philosophy at, eh.... New York University, and on, uh, on
the final ... they gave me 10 questions, and, uh, I couldn't answer a single one
of them. You know? I left 'em all blank... got a hundred.
---
[watching
Central Park runners]
Look at all these people, trying to stave off the inevitable decay of their bodies.
I had a
great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
---
Sometimes
to have a little good luck is the most brilliant plan.
Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
---
I don't
know enough to be incompetent.
Shadows and Fog (1992)
---
Life doesn't
imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Husbands and Wives (1992)
Manhattan Murder
Mystery Quotes (1993)
You don't
have to see a shrink. There's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with
a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
All my life
is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
---
I should
go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could
be dead three hours earlier.
Everyone Says I Love You (1996)
Deconstructing
Harry Quotes (1997)
The most
beautiful words in the English language are not "I love you," but "it's benign."
I think
you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion
that people like you.
Nothing's wrong with science. Ya know, between, between air conditioning and the
Pope, I'll take air conditioning.
Antz Quotes
(1998)
Nothing
like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Don't worry,
I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
Will you
calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood,
are you?
Well, trouble's
my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading
that around.
---
Ever heard
of the Polish carpool? Every day they meet at work.
Small Time Crooks (2000)
Hollywood Ending
Quotes (2002)
For God
sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her
head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Sex is better
than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can
get to sex.
