The hit animation
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My Favorite Family
Guy Quotes
Lois,
when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program
their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.
For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
Peter
Griffin: Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house,
because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike
Lee movie.
You
better watch who your calling a child louis, because if I'm a child you know what
that makes you? A Paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and
be lectured by a pervert !
Come,
ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
Damn the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! It just sits there consuming other
people's feces while contributing nothing of its own to society.
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle class Irish family.
You're
the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?
Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if
you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and
they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris Griffin: UPN?
Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline
where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody.
Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside,
they're dead. And that'll be our lives.
Really?
I thought that the name of the show was Kids Say theDarndest things. Not, Old
Black Comedian Never Shuts the Hell Up!
Peter: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you
are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction
I can't even measure.
Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip,
and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.
[On being President of the tobacco company]
Peter: And they give us a lot of perks, too.
Ugly Girl: (to Meg) Hi.
Meg: Who are you?
Ugly Girl: I'm the ugly girl sent to stand next to you to make you more desirable.
[Bear is standing in front of Peter and Chris]
Chris: Dad I know what to do! I saw NBC's 'When Bears Attack'. GO AWAY. You are
not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal.
I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things
like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'.
Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
Lois: Peter!
Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever
since they came over to this country from France.
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like
you, very homosexually.
Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap
at my slumber party tonight.
Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Stewie: Yes. How delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling
on about boys and music and jellybeans and stickers.
Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
